You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
