You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
