why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
