im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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