I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Please don't give away my fajitas
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
