I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
