CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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