it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
