no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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