It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
