a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
