I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
