His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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