My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
