I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
