the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
