My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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