I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
