Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
