My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
