why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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