i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
