The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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