Umm I'm too high to move.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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