did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
