Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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