There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
