It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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