Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
