Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
