im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
