I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
