He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
