wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
how does that bad decision feel?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
