You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
