JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
