my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
