The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
