she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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