And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
