At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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