I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
