i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
