its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
