I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
