My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
