Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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