ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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