Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
