I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
