so let's talk penis.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
